HOLIDAYS A GOOD TIME TO HAVE THAT FAMILY TALK ABOUT GRANDPA’S DEMENTIA

Grandpa still lives alone in the family home and his daughters keep in constant communication with him by phone. Getting ready for the family holiday get together, required several phone calls to Grandpa to remind him of where and when they were meeting. After the big event , the daughters used their time with Grandpa to compare notes on how well their Dad is still able to function.

What they found:

  • Dad needed those frequent phone reminders – he had a 15 minute chat with the oldest daughter and the next day didn’t remember she had called
  • Dad had been mentioning that neither of his 2 hearing aids still worked, yet he was wearing both
  • Dad was now making strange and inappropriate comments to strangers, he asked a man in a restaurant if the design on his shirt was Nazi swastikas
  • Dad’s personal hygiene was in question, even though the holiday event was for an entire weekend at a hotel, Dad was wearing exactly the same clothes every day and on arrival it was apparent that Dad hadn’t bathed for some time
  • When asked what he has been eating, even though the daughters kept him well supplied with grocery delivery, he was choosing to eat all of his meals at the local fast food carry out
  • Dad had been asked to bring his latest report from his physician, after reviewing the doctor’s findings and recommendations, it was clear that Dad not only had no intention of following the doctor’s advise but didn’t understand most recommendations
  • Dad asked one of his daughters for a type of first alert button – in case he was taken to a hospital he could push the button and an ambulance or “someone” would come and take him out of the hospital

On the positive side, all of the daughters are on the same page, that Dad has dementia and needs their monitoring any changes. It is terribly hurtful and lonely to be the  only member of a family seeing signs of dementia. When even some of the family members are in denial of signs of confusion, it delays solutions. These daughters are realistic and pro-active trying to get ahead of future problems and support for their Dad.

Now after this holiday, they know that Dad might be needing some house help if the reason he doesn’t make meals is that he no longer can put a meal together. Some home help might be also needed for hygiene. One of the daughters needs to get involved in going with Dad to have his hearing aids taken care of as well as accompany him to his physician.  Dad probably would benefit by having a calendar to write down appointments and events. This way the daughters could check, just by calling and asking Dad what he has written down for a certain date.

The daughters know that as Dad continues to decline, (and they realize he will) he will be a candidate for an assistive living facility. When that day comes they will have to be united, it really helps to start now.

Virginia Garberding RN

Certified in Gerontology and Restorative Nursing