WHEN NURSING HOME PLACEMENT IS DIFFICULT

“Dad really had to go into a Nursing Home,” Janet, the daughter told me. She then told of how difficult it had become for her mom to take care of her dad.  Her dad Jerry had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease several years earlier. Since his admission to the Nursing Home, Jerry had been constantly demanding that his wife take him home. After one month of this, her mom was starting to say she would bring him home.

Janet said it had been so very difficult for the family to take this step, of nursing home placement. That it had been done for her mother’s health and welfare as much as for her dad’s. She was dreading, yet one more difficult conversation with her mother. Of course she could just not say anything and let her mom go get her dad, even though she knows this would not end well for either of them. Avoiding a difficult conversation, is always choosing temporary peace over certain conflict.

This time Janet chose to open up to her mother and tell her what this would mean to Janet, if her mother brought dad back home. She began thinking through; what do I want, what do I want for mom, and what do I want for dad?   She then made  a date with her mother, when they could both enjoy some time together without distractions.

Janet began her conversation with her “I want” statements. After some discussion about what she wants for herself and the life she pictures for her mother, Janet talked about her dad. ” I want dad to be safe, well cared for, happy and living among people who aren’t strangers but really know him.” She told her mother she had just read this book that she would like to share with her, that will “help us get there.”

Please Get to Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance, is the story of my journey during the 14 years my mother lived in a nursing home following a stroke. Offering the reader specific ways to help families continue to provide quality of life for their loved one  while helping their loved one, form connections with the nursing home staff.

Virginia Garberding RN

Certified in Gerontology and Restorative Nursing