6 WAYS TO MANAGE ANGRY OUTBURSTS BY THE ELDER WITH DEMENTIA

Mike was visiting his daughter Marge and her family for the 4th of July holiday. Mike had called ahead and insisted he was bringing all the food. He arrived during a heavy downpour, and Marge standing on her porch urged him to stay in the car till the rain stopped. Mike proceeded by demonstrating an inability to reason on something so simple as staying out of the rain, and then immediately becoming angry, thus began the unhappy holiday.

Mike stated “No one was going to tell him what to do.” And he proceeded to get out of his car, struggling with his walker as he tried to carry his groceries to the porch. Mike not only wasn’t going to be told what to do, but he very much wanted to direct his daughter. When Marge said she would be waiting for the rain to stop before moving groceries, Mike went right into his now frequent response of “just do what I tell you!”

Starting the visit all wet did nothing to improve Mike’s mood. From this unfortunate beginning, Mike proceeded to engage his teenage grandchildren in conversation regarding the dishonesty of the healthcare industry.  Saying everyone in healthcare is crooked and only in it for the money. Mike’s son-in-law a dentist, quickly became frustrated with Mike’s outrageous behavior and soon was asking Mike to leave.

6 Ways to manage angry outbursts by the elder with dementia:

  • realize that this is an episode of agitated behavior and that in order to manage this well you need to be in control of your own emotions
  • take care of yourself first – whether it is with taking some deep breaths or whatever you normally do that helps you to remain calm
  • be aware that arguing or trying to reason with the unreasonable person with dementia is not possible
  • remove the “audience” it is harder for Mike to back down from outrageous things he says if the whole family is there, and seeing himself as the father figure, he wants to save face
  • instead of several family members entering into this argument making Mike think everyone is against him, only one person should engage in de-escalating the situation
  • be respectful and avoid becoming defensive, the angry words even if directed at you are not about you

Virginia Garberding RN

Certified in Gerontology and Restorative Nursing